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Single’s Math

by April 4, 2012
filed under Sex & Dating

Single's Math

Single’s math is bad-news-bears. It is probably one of the worst things that you go through after your break-up between relationships. It starts off with a simple and self-destructive thought: “ I want to get married someday.”

If you just got your heart-broken you think, “I just spent [this amount of] months/years on that relationship. Now what?”

This inevitably leads to, “how long will it take me to get over this mess?” And here comes the single’s math:

“I dated him for a year and a half. Someone once told me it takes half the time you were in a relationship to be completely over it. So that is three quarters of a year. Okay. So, I am twenty-three right now. I will be twenty-four by the time I am over my ex. Then I can start dating. And I want to know date the guy at least two years before we get engaged. If I give myself a year after I am over my ex to meet this guy after a few failed dating attempts, that puts me at twenty-seven when I get engaged.

And I want to be engaged for a year before I get married, so that is twenty-eight. And then I want to be married and enjoy that for at least two years before kids putting me at thirty when I pop out the first one.

Wait. I want my first kid when I’m twenty-eight?”

And here begins the recalculating. How long do I really have to get over the ex and find Mr. Right? You begin to madly rework the numbers again and again to find the optimum mathematically formula for your romantic life.

But hold on one second here, is this really all your life adds up to? Is your life just a summation of romantic encounters and stepping-stones?


It might seem like it when you first get out of a relationship. You were so comfortable. Your life had a direction, a plan that fit romantically and mathematically. But your life isn’t about the numbers.

Yes, you are single. Yes, you may be heart-broken and confused about it right now, but I must advise you: Ignore the numbers.

Every lost set of keys has taught me this: You will only find things once you stop looking for them, and it is often more important to find the things you aren’t looking for.

Let your life be about what adds up for you, not you, plus one. What do you want to achieve for you? Where do you want to go? What do you want to see? What do you want to learn?

You are probably more likely to find Mr. Right doing the things you love than sitting around doing single’s math.

The most important thing to remember after the break-up is that you add up to enough, and your life has not suffered a subtraction; it is just waiting for new additions. And when it comes down to it, there is no correct outcome to your life, so don’t worry about the way things are “supposed” to add up, and just start living for you.

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