Balancing the Attraction Equation

by July 9, 2012
filed under Activism, Life
Topics ,

Should changes in your appearance impact how your significant other feels about you?

Body image is a sensitive topic, and women are constantly pressured to look a certain way. As relationships lengthen, women worry about passion or attractiveness fading if they don’t maintain the same body that caught their partners’ eyes.

We know what’s on the inside should count for more. Ideally, it would count for everything. But a lot of people still admit that looks matter. I’ve heard some people defend this shallow comment with questions like, “what if I’m not attracted to my significant other anymore?” It’s a valid point to make, if that is indeed the risk of gaining a few pounds, cutting your hair or choosing not to wax. But then, at the very least, the same standards should apply to both parties in the relationship. If your significant other has to stay looking a certain way, then so should you. Otherwise, you both should be comfortable with the fact that people alter in appearance over time. No relationship should have double standards.

Looks aren’t the sole basis of your attraction to someone. If you’re drawn to someone’s eyes or smile, those characteristics are less likely to change.Young women should know that a romantic commitment doesn’t mean having to commit to a certain hair colour, number of piercings or a tiny waist. Some women are told they can’t cut their hair just because their significant others like women with long hair. Is that really fair? A woman should be able to look how she pleases. And in return, the same leeway should be given to men. Maybe a guy wants to grow a beard, much to the dismay of his gurlfriend. Should short hair on a woman or a beard on a man be deal breakers in a relationship? Should these factors influence how you feel about a person once you’ve already fallen for him or her?

I don’t go for the typical hot guy that has every other girl in the room swooning. Sure I think, “he’s hot,” but there’s something about men who are too good-looking that I simply don’t trust. My idea of an attractive guy is one who catches and holds my attention, makes me laugh and teaches me something new every day. An appealing description? I didn’t even say what he looks like.

While I’ve said that body image should matter much less than personality to build a steadfast relationship, that doesn’t mean your taste in people can’t change after you’ve found someone. You might date a person for two years (who hasn’t changed looks-wise or personality-wise) and then decide that he or she no longer appeals to you. We’re human, and when it comes to love, we go with how we feel.

Just remember we have the freedom to choose who we want to give our hearts to, and our hearts should be valued over our bodies. We deserve to be loved for the women we are, the women we are becoming and the women we strive to be – and none of those important considerations should involve a highly restrictive body image.

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