Become a FLURT Patron

Vodka, Gummy Bears and Tampons Oh My!

by July 9, 2012
filed under Life

In my Junior High and High School days, I was pretty tame. I always told my parents what I was up to, where I was going and I even had my dad drive me to these things called “spot-parties,” where basically a bunch of teenagers hung out in a park and got drunk until the cops came. I really only went to these parties to enjoy the company of my friends, and I usually stayed away from alcohol. My dad always trusted me and knew I wouldn’t get into any trouble. I remember one time he even ran to a downtown Starbucks to get water and breath-mints for me to give to my friends before they went home. My mom is still in the dark about some of this (sorry mom!).

In general, I was a good kid. Of course I took part in some underage drinking, but it was nothing my dad or sister didn’t know about (I know how lame I sound, but I swear I’m pretty cool). The point I’m trying to make is that I wasn’t your typical “get-drunk-every-weekend kind of teenager, but I was also not the naïve-type either. I knew what the kids were doing; I just stayed away from it.

So I thought I was still pretty hip before I came across this new Vodka trend – where teens soak Gummy Bears in Vodka, or even their tampons as undetectable ways to get drunk. People get a rush out of taking risks and breaking rules, so it’s easy to see why someone would experiment in such ways. With YouTube making it possible to supply instructional videos online, the Internet has become a giant influence for these trends.

Gummy bears are a hugely popular treat, and Vodka is odorless, so I can imagine adults don’t find it suspicious when they see a kid carrying a Ziplock bag full of them around the school halls. And just like Lays chips, it’s hard to eat just one, so piling handful after handful of these not-so-delicious treats (I’ve tried them, they’re disgusting) into your mouth wouldn’t be hard. However, doing this makes it impossible to know how drunk you are until it’s too late.

And what about soaking tampons? In doing research for this article, I found that nobody really knew if soaking tampons in vodka was actually possible, so I took it into my own hands – just kidding. I searched Google and found this article from the Huffington Post, where Journalist Danielle Crittenden actually gave it a whirl. After inserting the tampon, Danielle reports:

“Oh sweet mother of Jeez—-

Owwwwww…..

Absolut… firewater!!!!!!! Holy sheeeeeeeee…”

Basically, the whole process is extremely painful and just not pleasant, so I highly doubt young gurls are willing to attempt to inconspicuously waddle around school with a crotch that literally feels like it’s on fire in attempt to get a little tipsy.

Personally, I’d rather eat normal gummy bears and be sober than shove a tampon up my hoo-ha to get drunk. But if you’re soaking tampons or Gummy Bears, I think you’ve got to either be a creative genius or a little psychotic. School is for learning, weekends are for partying and flasks are for the sneaky stuff…just kidding.


Support FLURT with Spreadshirt