I am less than a week away from my consultation regarding breast reduction surgery. I am having mixed feelings, but the more powerful feeling is excitement. A breast reduction is something I’ve considered previously, but decided one day to just accept the fact that my boobs were big. I don’t want to accept it anymore.
The first time I considered breast reduction surgery, it was more or less due to the pain, and I also wanted my clothes to fit properly. But as I mentioned before, it’s also become a burden on my mental health in the sense that I feel like I’m being stared at, judged on and generally not accepted for my personality or intellegence but my chest instead. This consultation is the first big step to feeling like a regular woman.
Although excitement is my primary feeling, I’m also feeling nervous. Despite convincing myself that I dislike my boobs and how they make me feel, they’re still a part of me and I know that if/when I get this surgery, it’s going to take some adjusting. It’s kind of like when I last changed my hair colour – after I got used to it, I liked it. But at first, it was weird to be so light when my hair had been dark for so long. The difference is that hair colour can change again, whereas a breast surgery isn’t easily reversible.
I’m also nervous because the only “surgery” I’ve had was my wisdom teeth removal. The idea of going under the knife and the pain I’ll feel afterwards makes me very anxious.
The one thing keeping me grounded at this point is the fact that when I told my husband about the consultation he said, without hesitation, “let me know which day it is so I can leave work and come with you.” To have that support from someone who is also affected by my choice is very reassuring. Naturally, as a man, he comments on how he loves my boobs the way they are, which at first worried me because I thought he wouldn’t be supportive.
However, when I found a picture of an actress in a magazine that had roughly the same size breasts as I’m going for with this surgery, I showed it to him and said, “see, they’ll still be great” and he looked at me like I had two heads and said “I don’t know why you’re so worried. I want you to be happy, and I think they’ll be perfect no matter what”.
I have to keep in mind that after all of these mixed feelings, the consultation is a way to answer my questions and confirm/squash my fears. In the end, I know it will be worth overcoming those fears and finally getting something I’ve wanted for a long time. When I get scared, I’ll just have to picture myself in a bikini that I’m not falling out of, or being able to ride the stationary bike at the gym without kneeing myself in the chest.
Written by Janet N. Post originally from Curvy Coup D’etat.