This week I dropped in on Sue Johanson’s college lecture. Tickets were only 5 dollars, and the auditorium was filled with eager young men and women filling out question cards. You may remember Sue from her television and radio show, Talk Sex with Sue – one of Canada’s largest achievements in terms of sex positivity. I recall passing by the TV when I was younger, my mom laughing at her ability to be so blunt. My parents have always been very open about sex, so they didn’t mind when I sat down to watch with them. However, at such a young age I didn’t understand very much. This time around I knew her show would be much more memorable.
Sue started off the lecture even more bluntly than I remembered her to be, getting right into why we were all there: To have better sex.
“You have to know what you want and you have to know what you’re doing,” she said. “I would love if you would have learned about sex at home.” But as she mentioned, most parents including her have trouble talking one on one about that kind of thing. So to their embarrassment, Sue started talking to her children in large groups – and to this day they still can’t watch her speak.
I don’t blame them. Sue’s language and facial expressions proved her to be, quite honestly, the dirtiest old woman I’ve ever met. I loved every minute of it, and happily joined in on the high pitched laughter that filled the auditorium.
But aside from mouthing a blowjob and completely removing her filter, Sue struck up some important discussions, such as:
“Men are taught that women get off through intercourse,” she said, mentioning the flaws in porn and society today. She taught us that the penis touches the cervix – which has no nerve endings – and often doesn’t get a gurl off. “Penis size doesn’t matter,” she said. “You have everything you need and it’s just beautiful,” she told the male audience.
Sue also mentioned that men had no excuse for not getting a woman off, because, “all you need is 2 fingers and a tongue, and after 20 minutes you’ll be hard again and good to go.”
It was then that Sue taught us the Venus Butterfly. She struggled a little bit with the instructions, but assured us once we got it down we would need a towel for our G spot fluid. In short, the Venus Butterfly is when a guy eats you out, inserts 2 fingers up to your G spot and lightly touches your anus at the same time: BOOM.
And then came the question cards:
Q: How do I learn to dirty talk?
A: Practice in front of the mirror and tell it expletively what you want it to do to you.
Q: I’ve been with my partner for a while and I never get off anymore. Is this normal?
A: YES. To spice things up, Sue suggested being innovative – and mentioned that men need to step up in this department too – by using costumes (Halloween is coming up!), light bondage such as scarves, etc.
Q: My friend has a tilted uterus. She thinks she can’t get pregnant, so she doesn’t use protection. Is this true?
A: NO. Sue hinted at having a tilted uterus herself, and made it clear that you can definitely get pregnant with one.
Q: How do you get used to anal sex?
A: Anal shouldn’t hurt, but it can if you’re constipated. Sue recommended an enema to clean out before practicing anal. She also mentioned that 10 percent of her questions are about bum sex and it’s a lot more common than people think.
At the end of the lecture, Sue actually go out a few sex toys to recommend. My favourite was the finger vibrator, and I just wanted to make a note that my birthday is coming up.
For more information on Talk Sex with Sue, visit talksexwithsue.com