Flurt! Apocalypse Survival Guide

by December 21, 2012
filed under Activism
Topics

Ladies, the end of the world is coming! Are you ready for the supposed apocalypse we are expecting?

How the heck do you even prepare for an apocalypse? I know my boyfriend is always talking about how he needs to be ready for the zombie apocalypse, but I just chalk that up to watching too much Walking Dead.

After researching what to prepare for the apocalypse, I’ve put together a Flurt! Apocalypse Survival Guide.

First, you’re going to need some sort of shelter. According to many articles I read online, it seems like you’ll need to be underground.
Since the supposed doomsday is just around the corner, I don’t really think we have the time to grab our shovels and start digging out our backyards. So, what should we do? The only reasonable thing to do is pack your bags and head to New York!
Why New York, you ask? Well, it’s simple. New York has several subway systems AND it’s the fashion capitol of North America. You’re set if you need to take shelter beneath the streets – and if this whole thing is a bunch o’ bull crap, you can celebrate by shopping for the latest trends in NYC. Vacation, anyone?

Second – although this is the first step according to one website I read – associate. Or as I like to call it, get your gurlfriends together and find yourselves some hunky men.
I know what you’re thinking, “Sara, I’m a Flurt!…I don’t need a hunky man.” But I say, au contraire ladies.
Think about it. If the world ends and all of the non-believers (aka the unprepared) don’t survive, the world will need to be repopulated somehow! It will be our duty to *ahem* reproduce, and if we’re being held responsible for the sake of the world’s existence than hell, why shouldn’t we enjoy it with some hot piece of meat? Am I right?!

Okay, so we have shelter and the fate of the repopulating of the world taken care of. You should probably have some sort of survival kit as well.
Many of the apocalypse emergency kits on Amazon.com (yes they exist) have the following items:

Please God let Ryan Gosling survive

-reflective blankets
-first aid kit
-flashlight with extra batteries
-glow sticks
-AM / FM radio
– bottled water
– dehydrated food

Yadda yadda yadda. While those things are super important, they are also things I’m sure you’ve already thought of, being the super-awesomely-smart Flurt! that you are. So here are some extra things to add to that list:

-your iPad, iPhone
-one of those solar panel chargers for your iPad, iPhone, whatever
-your favourite pair of shoes
-your Gold Starbucks Member Card…you’ve worked harder than hell to earn that sucker and you’re not going to lose your status just because of some “apocalypse”
-pictures of cats
-and of course, the Flurt! Magazine App

Follow my suggested steps and you’re sure to come out on top when all is said and done.
And if the apocalypse doesn’t happen…well, at least you’ve (hopefully) had a laugh.


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