It’s about time we started to talk about sex…yes…SEX. I receive a lot of emails from gurls about sex and body image and I’d like to address your concerns! Sex is a very intimate act for both genders and for many women, it is a time when we feel most vulnerable. Unfortunately, when we have sex, there are no fancy clothes to cover up with or Spanx to hide our perceived flaws!
The most common question I get asked is: How will I be able to enjoy sex if I have body dissatisfaction issues? My answer is: Remember these 5 simple steps before your next sexual encounter…
1. Set the Mood
Lighting – If you’re just starting to engage in sexual activity with someone and you have insecurities about your body, try turning the lights off or at least dimming them down. Trust me when I say, there’s nothing sexier than candle light. For some people, feeling and exploring each others bodies in the dark is just as romantic as doing it in the light.
Close your eyes – If you can’t stop focusing on your perceived body flaws, stop looking and instead, feel your partner. Better yet, focus on your partner and all the beautiful parts of him or her. Eventually the more comfortable you feel, the braver you will become! Finally, when you’re ready to take a peak, open your eyes. Watch your body do it’s thing and think about how gorgeous you look doing it. It also doesn’t hurt to have a partner remind you as well!
2. Forget What You Read in Magazines:
Believe it or not…if a guy wants to sleep with you, chances are he’s into the way you look…regardless of how you feel about yourself! Forget about pleasing your man by doing double back flips or working towards sextastic abs or getting the best orgasm ever! Stop thinking about the media, period. Forget about porn and forget about models and instead, focus on yourself and your partner. This is sometimes hard to accept but men love the female body in all its many shapes and sizes! If you aren’t sure if he’s in it for more than sex then think twice about who you are choosing to be with. I know it’s hard to believe sometimes but your guy isn’t thinking about that stretch mark on your inner thigh or the size of your waist when he’s about to…well…you…know.
3. Stop Your Worrying:
Stop thinking about your performance in bed and start thinking about enjoying the experience. Too many people get caught up in the act as if the orgasm is the end game. You won’t get there if you can’t relax and clear your mind so stop putting so much emphasis on getting there…it will come naturally in time. Both men and women stress about this part so remember that you aren’t alone. Men worry about not being able to last or not being able to go at all, while women worry that they won’t be able to or that they will take too long to get there. The majority of women actually take longer than men and there is nothing wrong with that. If you want to speed up the process then make sure your partner helps you relax in whatever way works for you – massages, kissing or foreplay!
4. Orgasm Truth:
It’s a fact that only 1/3 of women can achieve orgasm when having sex – a.k.a. orgasm from G-Spot stimulation. When in doubt clitoral stimulation is the way to go. Sometimes it just doesn’t happen for women but don’t let this get to your head. Sex can be satisfying and pleasurable even without an orgasm. If you need something from your partner to get you there then you need to have the courage to speak up! Everyone is different and believe it or not, men aren’t mind readers!
5. Try, try and try again!
Being naked in front of someone can be scary at first because we feel more vulnerable this way. It sometimes takes time to build complete trust in your partner. The best advice I can give you is to be open to hearing all the positive things your partner has to say about your body (they really mean it)! Each time you experience each other you become more comfortable so don’t give up just yet.
Try these steps to help you learn to love your average bodies 😉
For more advice on body image, check out Emily Lauren Dick’s blog. Emily is an aspiring author and body image expert from Ontario. She is committed to making average gurls feel more comfortable and confident in their own skin. Emily passionately promotes positive body image, media awareness and supportive relationships. She currently holds a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Women’s Studies and Sociology from Wilfred Laurier University and continues to work on her book: Average Girl: A Guide to Loving your Body.