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How to Make Safer Sex Sexy With Your Coitus Comrade

by September 20, 2013
filed under Sex & Dating

sexybanana

rachelsrantings.com

Condoms and dental dams are not sexy apparatuses. They just aren’t. Regardless, if you have someone naked in front of you and you ask them to use protection and they say anything less than “of course,” they are not someone you should be fucking, because they are an emotional child. Protection is not a vibe-killer. You know what really ruins the mood? HIV. An unplanned pregnancy – however you decide to handle it – usually works too.

You are on the Internet right now, so I’m going to assume you have access to information about safer sex and the risks that go along with deciding not to use proper protection. I’m not going to lecture you, although I will include helpful info at the bottom.

Use a condom or a dental dam! Just do it. Put on your big kid panties and go to the store and chat with the nice gurl studying literature who works at the drugstore and buy them.
Exceptions can be made for those in super long-term grown-up relationship where you and all parties have been tested recently and have shown each other those results. If you’re in a relationship where one party has a penis and another a vagina, and you don’t want a baby, back it up with some other method of birth control and some good ole wishful thinking.

Exceptions can be made. But I would just like you to consider something: How often do you lie? You don’t kick puppies or Instagram your dentist appointment, so you are ostensibly a good, kind person. Yet, I’m willing to bet you lie at least every once in a while, usually about small things, and sometimes about bigger things. You know yourself and that you would never lie about getting tested, but one of the most crucial relationship lessons to learn is that you need to take care of yourself first, and your partner/s second. You need to trust yourself first and your partner/s second.

If your partner/s doesn’t/don’t respect your desire to keep yourself safe from harm, replace them.

However, what if it’s you, not your coitus comrade, that isn’t feeling luscious about latex? We can all relate to that. Our lizard brains want what they want when they want it, and if alcohol or other mind-altering substances get added to that mix, it’s pretty safe to say you aren’t going to want to grab a little buddy. Unless that mind altering substance is acid, in which case you’re doing acid wrong. Go, like, jump in the shower and watch the dribbles for a while. Personally, I bypass this potential catastrophe by laying it all out to my partner while I am sober, saying “If I try to fuck you later without protection, I am too drunk to fuck. Please fetch me water.”

Using protection should be automatic, but is there a way to make it sexier?

Dental dams are interesting. While I’ve never met a straight dude who has admitted to using one, I know plenty of lesbians and bisexuals who use these mouth guards on the reg. I’ve only used one a few times, so for – ahem further research – I decided to try to dig up some porn in which the actresses used dental dams.

– Guess what, either my porn-fu is broken or it doesn’t exist, because all I found were pages of dentistry themed videos – teeth-cleaning appointments gone unexpectedly right, dental assistants getting fresh, etc. This should give you an idea of just how sexy these devices are. Regardless, head is head. Want to make a thin sheet of latex somehow more erotic? Use more lube than you think you could ever possibly need.

My roommate would like to recommend that you not buy the banana flavoured ones, because they taste like these:

SONY DSCYum.

I’m sure you’ve read a few Cosmo sex-tip columns, but I would recommend foregoing learning how to put it on with your mouth or your feet and instead learn how to put on a condom properly, and as quickly as possible. Experiment with different brands, thicknesses, lube-levels, ribbing and flavours.

No one uses female condoms, even though they are more effective for preventing the spread of infections such as herpes as they cover more of the vulva and penile base. If you do use female condoms, please email me because you sound like someone I would like.

This is not complicated. A healthy dose of humour and concern for your own well-being and for that of your partner’s goes a long way towards what we all want: Good, safer sex.

Click here for more info on having safer sex.

If you’re still confused, check out the handy dandy flow chart I made:

safesexflowchart


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