For Those Who Choose Not to Celebrate Mother’s Day

by May 10, 2015
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Not everyone chooses to celebrate Mother’s Day. As Natasha writes in this Jezebel article, “whether it was because of an addiction, a compulsive need to put you down, an ex-communication, an inability to give and receive love or just the turmoil of dealing with a broken woman, you did something that most people regard as taboo. And that takes courage.”

In a society where mothers are viewed as the most blessed things in society, it’s difficult not to feel guilt for putting yours out of your life. I’m not saying that mothers shouldn’t be seen as the most blessed thing in society, after all without a mother you wouldn’t be born (except for, you know, science.) However, after there are circumstances where you just can’t be around your mom, and you don’t need to justify your reasons to anyone, even your own mother.

Coming from a past where my mother didn’t have the tools she needed to show her children proper love, I’ve had a long journey of learning how to be around the woman who gave birth to me.  I understand that she dealt with hardships like abusive family members and later abusive relationships and that she deals with her baggage as best she can. I understand that she doesn’t always know how to deal with her emotions and that she doesn’t mean to lash out and that most likely she feels guilty for doing so. But learning how to have a positive relationship with her is still trying, and there have been periods of time when I wasn’t able to be present in her life.

If you’re at a time in your life when you can’t be present in your own mom’s life, or you’ve decided once and for all that the best thing for everyone is to go your separate ways, it’s okay. And it’s okay that you probably have mixed feelings while your friends post statuses about how much they love their mothers and what they’re doing to celebrate this blessed day with them. It’s okay to want to hide under the covers and cry, and it’s okay to be emotionally withdrawn and go on with your business as well. And it’s definitely okay to be at peace with your decision and to have a wonderful mother’s day without celebrating with yours.

It can be difficult not to feel guilty or angry or sad or numb about making the right choices for you because you’re upset about hurting those around you. Perhaps it’s your siblings or your kids or your parents. But remember that it’s your life and that you need to do what’s best for yourself long-term. Mother’s Day may be to celebrate mothers, but maybe not every mother deserves to be celebrated. You don’t need to put your happiness in jeopardy because society tells you to do so. Nobody knows your relationship with your mom except for you.

Do you have an estranged relationship with your mother? Give advice to a FLURT reader in the comments below.


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