Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby

by October 5, 2011
filed under Sex & Dating

PregnantSo I’m now at that age in life where all your friends start procreating like it’s going out of style. One week you’re having coffee and cake with a girlfriend you haven’t seen for a while, and the next week she seems to have forgotten how to use consonants and is carrying a little bundle of person that smells a lot like breast milk and baby oil. How can you not just adore babies though? They’re cute, innocent and they like to suck on anything shiny.

But today, I don’t want to talk about how cool babies are; I want to talk about birth control. A few weeks ago we saw a couple that we are friends with. I asked the wife to come have a glass of wine with me and, head lowered as if she were embarrassed, she told me that they were expecting. This is pretty awesome because I know that these two have wanted nothing more than a child. Her husband then goes on to state that it was “sort of an accident”. WTF does that mean?

A while ago, a childhood friend sent me a message on Facebook. The message said “Guess what! I had a baby!” The only person more surprised than I by this revelation of life was her. Yeah, she didn’t know she was pregnant. Everyone else knew, but she was still in the dark about it. So when her little son pushed himself out in the world, screaming his rage at the unfairness of it, a real life “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant” came to be.

LADIES! Let’s talk about sex, baby.

  1. Sex Makes Babies – That’s right, it’s not only a hobby, it actually has a purpose. Babies, those little people that always smell like green poop, yeah they come from sex. So when you’re having sex, you’re makin’ babies, even when you’re just practicing. Cool?
  2. Birth Control is Cheap – And in some cases it’s even free. That’s right, for the cost of a cheap McDonald’s dinner, you can keep yourself baby free! How cool of a deal is that? Oh! The most amazing part about birth control? The Pill has been around since the 1960’s, and condoms have been around since, like, Jesus. The good news? If you head on into your pharmacy, they’ll know what these magical no-baby items are!
  3. It’s Not “Sort of an Accident” – After clarifying items 1 and 2, if you aren’t using 2, and you’re still doing 1, it’s not an accident. Sure, maybe it wasn’t planned right now, but if you’re doin’ it, and you’re doin’ it free of birth control, you should damn well be planning on having a baby sometime.

No, it is not just a woman’s responsibility to prevent baby-time. But Ladies, let me ask you, are you willing to trust the dude who “accidentally” drinks bad milk and can’t figure out how to pick up his own crunchy socks? Yeah, me neither.

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