Lies Curvy Gurls Seem to Believe

by July 10, 2012
filed under Life
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The other night a good friend of mine texted me freaking out because she was at the thrift store looking for clothes to start a new job. I have to say, I was quite proud of her when I asked if she even looked at skirts and she informed me that she had. For half a second, I thought I was doing something right. Until she texted me the picture that is:

Black Peasant Skirt

I bet she’s glad she didn’t send me a face pic.

I see this all the time and it sets my rage-o-meter off! Somewhere along the line, someone told this beautiful curvy girl who has a fantastic bod (not like you can tell in this sack she’s wearing) that loose-fitting, shapeless clothing items make you look thinner or something. I would also like to point out that I wasn’t aware that peasant skirts (that’s what this hideous thing is called) could even be as stretched out as this one is.

So now we’ve got this picture up on the Internet so I can embarrass her on an international basis, I’d like to ask you my readers, do you think it looks good? As a tough-as-nails woman who doesn’t need a man to make her feel right, does this skirt say “strong,” “independent,” “fucking fabulous?” Or does this skirt actually say “baking bread while my husband raises a barn today”?

Curvy gurls: Peasant skirts are not your friends, nor any skirt that is as shapeless as this one. This is the epitome of what you shouldn’t be doing with your wardrobe.

On a side note, the hem is much too long for her 5’6″ frame.

I’m not telling you where this is from because you shouldn’t buy it.

Here’s another favorite curvy fashion faux-pas I see a lot: Layered tank tops that aren’t sure if they’re real clothes or if they belong on some stage production of Midsummer Night’s Dream. Unfortunately, some curvy women get the impression that because they’re carrying a few more pounds than mass media says is acceptable, that hiding under a multitude of layers of clothing is somehow going to hide all your imperfections.

I guess you could say that they’re hidden… along with your waistline, and bustand any sort of body-shape you might have. This is not a plus-sized model, so she probably weighs a whole 110lbs and this frilly abomination is making even her petite frame look distorted and unpleasant.

Adding more layers, more weight, to a curvy frame is doing the exact opposite of what you want it to do. It isn’t slimming you down, it’s making you look like some maniac bag-lady with a passion for pink ruffles.

And then there’s this.

My grandmother has one foot and the character of a jackal I think their fab-o-meter is busted., and yet I wouldn’t wish this on even her. Some manufacturers might think that it’s O.K. to pass off this, whatever this is, onto curvy women because we’re inferior or something. I’d like to point out that I literally just found this piece of craftsmanship at Beyond the Rack today, so no this isn’t some holiday relic from last year’s Ugly Sweater Christmas Party (although I can guess that this would be a blue ribbon winner). The title of this collection was “Full-Figured and Fabulous.”

Just because we’re curvy doesn’t mean we have to settle for shapeless, bulky or crap. The more we demand fairness in the fashion industry, the more we demand to be accommodated, the more they’ll have to listen. Don’t listen to the lies anymore. And please, whatever you do, don’t buy this sweater. Even if you are being ironic.

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