Q: I’ve recently gotten to know this guy better, finding out that he’s amazingly talented, well-travelled and fun to hang out with. He seems pretty clueless that I like him and is showing no signs that he likes me. I’m not sure if he’s nervous around gurls or if he’s put me in the friend-zone. I’m used to guys hitting on me, even if they’re my friends, so this is unfamiliar territory. On one hand, I really like him, but on another I don’t want to ruin a friendship.
A: Sounds like a tough predicament, and I think all of us young women can relate to what you’re experiencing right now. We’ve all had that guy who we like, but who is on the cusp of a friend-zone horror story!
It’s hard to tell you exactly what’s going on, because I don’t know him. However, you mentioned that he might be a little nervous. Is he a quiet guy? If so, then sure, that’s a possibility. But even the quiet guys will send you some subtle signs that they are interested in someone. How long have you known this guy? That’s another question to ask when you’re thinking about him being nervous or just putting you in the friend-zone. Once you’ve been friends for a certain amount of time, it does get to a point where you’re in a friend-zone and the possibility increases for it to be a little weird if and when you ever get together. And to be honest, I’m getting a red flag from the fact that he isn’t showing you any signs. That would be very unusual behaviour from a guy that liked you.
My next question is: Are you going to still want to be friends with this guy if and when he gets into a relationship with someone else? I’m just throwing out that possibility. If you don’t think you’ll look at him the same or your heart is going to be a tiny bit broken, then I would honestly suggest bringing up the fact that you like him and would like to see where things could go with him. If you do that, then you know where he stands. If he says yay, then you can go from there. If he says nay then you can decide where you want the friendship to go. If you don’t make a move you’ll always be wondering “what if” once he becomes unavailable. And upon that, how you view him and your friendship will never be the same. You may end up upset with him, bitter or resentful. Those things aren’t fun!
If you can take one thing from this, this is it: Do not over-analyze shit with this guy. Gurls get into this game in their own heads all too often and it usually ends up in some kind of hurt feelings because you took it too far in your own mind. We’ve all been there. If you can’t be upfront with him right now, then play nice and cool with him. Go on with your own life. Don’t be available at his beck and call all the time, especially when you don’t even know if he likes you.
If you really value your friendship above everything else, maybe you should try to simply focus on that as opposed to worrying about whether or not he likes you. Someone amazing is going to come along and you will have absolutely no doubt in your mind about his feelings toward you. Now that is worth your time and energy!