Can Sex Be a Deal Breaker?

by August 8, 2013
filed under Sex & Dating

If one person gets more out of sex than the other in a relationship, is this a deal breaker? This is a difficult question to answer. The simplest answer is that it’s up to you whether this is a deal breaker or not.

Just as your partner has many traits such as a great personality, good looks, generosity and likes to do similar activities, his or her sex drive is also one of those traits. Some men and women have lower sex drives while others may have higher sex drives. You need to decide whether this is an issue for you and if it would be best to walk away from the relationship, rather than stay.

You may be attracted to your partner but still feel like you are not getting enough sex because you have a higher sex drive than they do. Of course you have to think about the fact that this person may fulfill a lot of other needs on your list for a partner. However, his or her sex drive may not be one of them and that doesn’t necessarily mean that your partner is bad for you. It also doesn’t mean your partner is less sexually attracted to you, it just means that they need sex less often than you do or it takes a lot more for them to be turned on. Maybe it is just a matter of taking some time to explore each other’s bodies and find out what really turns your partner on. For instance, certain things turn me on but everything turns my boyfriend on and that was an issue between us.

It just may come down to the fact that on your list of partner traits, your partner doesn’t fulfill that trait fully. You may be able to find someone else who can fulfill a lot of the other traits you need in a partner and your sex drive. More often than not, I think it’s easier to find someone with a higher sex drive who does not fulfill other traits you may need in a potential partner. But that is just my opinion.


Similarly, you have to consider why someone you are with does not have a higher sex drive. Sometimes there is a really good reason your partner’s sex drive is lower. For example, in my situation I am on a lot of psychiatric drugs due to depression. One of these drugs makes my prolactin levels really high which in turn (such as many pregnant women) lowers your sex drive. It was not until my psychiatrist put me on the right prolactin lowering drugs that my sex drive picked up and I was able to enjoy being intimate with my boyfriend a lot more. When you are not turned on, areas of your body that wouldn’t regularly be too affected may hurt more, making sex less enjoyable for you.

Other examples besides medications could be that your partner may be experiencing constant stress or have other medical issues. You may also need to learn how to touch each other in ways that you both find stimulating. There is always the possibility that you or your partner just may not be attracted to each other. Of course there is also the fact that some people just want sex less often and are perfectly healthy, happy and made that way.

The bottom line is whether you’re the person with more of a sex drive or less of a sex drive, you need to determine whether similar sexual appetite is a trait that you can live with or without. If there are other things going wrong in your relationship, chances are a low sex drive is something you can live without. But if everything else is going well, maybe having less sex is something you need to consider. Or you never know, maybe your partner is more giving and does not mind keeping you happy considering your sexual appetite. It all depends on your situation.

The best thing you can do is have an honest discussion with your partner. They may be a bit hurt initially, but in the long run they will be happier you brought it up to them rather than them finding out later that you lied about having all those orgasms or that you resented them for not having enough sex with you. Good luck!

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