She Comes First: A Gift for Your Partner

by December 7, 2013
filed under Sex & Dating

oral sex

She Comes First is a book aimed at men that is entirely about pleasuring women. Specifically, pleasuring women with their mouths. Ian Kerner, a New York based sex therapist and author, takes readers on a step by step journey through the tips, tricks and techniques of cunnilingus.

Ian has a wry sense of humour and uses many literary metaphors to get his points across. He addresses questions and concerns ranging from being squeamish about a woman’s taste and smell, to how to know a woman has truly had an orgasm (as opposed to faking it).

With reference to the latter point, She Comes First is a great read for women as well. Ian goes into detail about the different parts of a woman “down there” and describes the process of a female orgasm from start to finish. He talks about the different parts of the clitoris (it’s more than just a “love button”), speed, pressure and other practical advice.

Chapters are very short and fast-paced, making She Comes First quite easy to glide through. There are some diagrams, but Ian mostly relies on his words to get his points across, which he does well. He emphasizes the fact that most women don’t orgasm during sexual intercourse, and that taking care of her sexual needs first is better for both partners.

When it comes to techniques, Ian is very descriptive and also tells how to incorporate fingers and toys into the fun. He briefly discusses anal play, and details concerning safer sex are in the appendix. Ian also talks about what doesn’t work, emphasizing that things like 69’ing and a woman riding a man’s face are things of porn movies, but don’t translate as well in the bedroom.

Most of all, Ian presents cunnilingus as an activity that is central to a woman’s sexual pleasure. It is not just “foreplay,” it is “coreplay,” for her, as he says. I know there are probably women reading this review who are shrugging, wondering how a man could know so much about a woman’s orgasm. He never comes across as arrogant or a know it all, and as a woman I found myself agreeing with his depictions of pleasure. I actually felt very empowered reading some of his words, particularly how women who masturbate are already “wired” to orgasm and are therefore at an advantage.

I would also imagine that much of the advice in this book would also apply to bisexual and lesbian women who wish to perform oral sex on their partners. There are certain things he discusses pertaining to male sexuality that of course would not apply, but otherwise the anatomy and techniques remain pretty much the same.

Guys will definitely want to read this book, no matter how experienced they think they are. You never know if you might learn a trick or technique you hadn’t thought of before. At the same time, I would definitely recommend that women give this book to their male partners – after reading it themselves first.

She Comes First is available at The Traveling Tickle Trunk for $24.

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