The Depressing Comments on ‘Dear Daddy’ Shows We Have Work to Do

by December 19, 2015
filed under Activism
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Woman from the 'Dear Daddy' video

Chances are you’ve seen the Dear Daddy video from Care Norway, urging male viewers to take a look at how they respond to negative comments towards women. The idea is to change the language in terms of how we refer to women, and that by stopping even seemingful-playful comments in the schoolground we’ll in turn be able to stop sexual and domestic abuse. The video gives the perspective of a young woman, who’s smart and well-raised yet becomes sexually assaulted and finds herself in an abusive relationship. As someone who’s been in these very situations, it certainly hit home.

The description of the video reads: 1 in 3 women worldwide will experience physical or sexual violence in their lifetime, usually from a male partner. However, despite the touching short film that made me and likely many others tear up, what’s really impactful are the comments that accompany it on YouTube. Rather than taking a minute to think about the message and make a change for the better, people are pushing back against the video, telling women to take responsibility for their actions should they find themselves sexually assaulted and in an abusive relationship.

Some of the appalling, but unfortunately not completely surprising, comments on YouTube are:

“This video is sexist towards men. I truly will never understand why western men don’t realize that they are literally not allowed to criticize women in any way, shape or form without being labelled a misogynist, while they constantly allow women to criticize, slander and put out propaganda that paint ALL men (especially white men) as evil rapists. White men, you need to get your shit together. Your women are the most privileged group of people on the planet, yet they still act as if they’re oppressed. Feminism has done nothing but create an entire generation of women with victim mentality. As arrogant as Donald Trump is, he’s one of the few white male’s left that have the balls to unapologetically speak his mind. How are you going to take on the growing threat of radical Islam that is now directly in your backyards, when you can’t even face your own women?”

“Please daddy bring me up so that I don’t have to bother with
P E R S O N A L   R E S P O N S I B I L I T Y”

-» By the time a was 14, not me or any of my friends called a girl a cunt/bitch or whatever. They hanged out with us and to this day we are all friends.
-» By the time i was 16, i had 1 girlfriend and she was the one who kept grabbing my dick (with pants on) and my ass. Most i ever did to her was give her a surprise kiss and grabbed her butt because she grabbed mine.
-» If you cant control your drinking, heres a solution: DONT DRINK. I turn into a half-wit asshole when i drink, therefore, i DONT DRINK ALCHOOL. But if you absolutly have to, do it with trustworthy friends.
-»By the time i was 21, i had my then girlfriend and i was happy with her (until living in different cities tore us apart)
-» Youre Mister Perfect wasnt Mister Perfect. Simple. The moment he calls you a whore, you have proof he doesnt real love you. Had you left him right there, he would have not hit you or tried to kill you. Plus, why isnt Mister Perfect in prison?
-» And my final point, ”teaching men” not to do these things is assuming that all of us do this… I could say ”teach women not to rely on their mans money’ because they all do it (sarcasm btw)… No normal, sane, social man would do any of these things, only men with some sort of mental disorder or a corrupt moral code.

But the problem is, loads of ‘normal, sane, social men’ do these things all the time. A woman doesn’t start a relationship with someone who they think is going to sexually assault them or abuse them. It’s hard to believe it’s not your fault when you grow up being told if you dress sexy and drink too much you were asking for it, or when the person who you picked as a partner treated you well in the beginning and suddenly turns violent. You start to think that you’re making things up or exaggerating. And then there’s the issue of the person you’re dating being friends with your friends, and that no one will believe you if you come forward.

How can women expect to come forward when people keep pushing the problem on them, saying that they must just be spending time with the wrong people? Until men stop getting defensive and step up to say that feminism (which is about men AND women being equal) is an important issue they need to get involved in because women’s well-being is important to them, sadly more women, not to mention men, won’t come forward. But this video is a start towards opening a dialogue. And who better to begin to create change than fathers who want a better future for their little girls?

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