How to Get Over Someone You Never Had

by August 19, 2017
filed under Sex & Dating
Topics ,

How easy is it to develop a crush? For me, it took less than 30 seconds. I thought I had met ‘the one’ as I stepped into the elevator at my work and heard him speak about his latest project. Not only did he sound interesting but he talked exactly like the literature professor I had a crush on for two semesters back in college. That was enough for me to take a glance at the elevator guy as if I was staring at a real-life Ezra Fitz from Pretty Little Liars. If it was a bar I would have automatically made my move and embarrassed myself on the spot, but since it was at work I just crushed over him.

Thankfully, my coworker was on the elevator with me and knew his name. Immediately I jumped into Nancy Drew mode and began internet stalking him. I fell down a rabbit hole of social media handles. I searched Google, Facebook, Instagram and Goodreads… it almost terrified me to know how much information one could receive on the web. Being a book nerd, I fell even harder for him after finding out that his favorite author was F. Scott Fitzgerald.

I continued to think about him for days on end. I had butterflies in my stomach each time I went on the elevator; I was dying to bump into him again. Back in high school, it would be easy to talk to a crush or run into them in the hallways, but being that this was the’adult’ world, I was more cautious. Presumably believing that I was wiser now, I considered that it would be best to approach him at an event rather than trying to concoct an elaborate run-in as I might have in my younger years. However, working on different floors and having no upcoming company events, I was running out of patience. So I decided to email him… accidentally.

He had a common name; therefore, I figured I could set my email up to look like an ‘accident,’ while also trying to create a conversation. In theory, it sounded clever. My email consisted of a great idea I had and there could have been room for him to comment on the idea while also letting me know I had emailed the wrong person.

I sent the email… but apparently, I wasn’t quit as sneaky as I had hoped. He ended up sharing it with his co-workers who all caught on to my act and told him that I was trying to hook up with him. I never did get my reply.

Through all this, what did I learn? I’ve learned what high school health class failed to teach us, which was the difference between infatuation and genuine love. Before teaching us about sex and drugs, they definitely should have taught us about crushes. After a certain point, I began putting him on a pedestal, believing he was this perfect guy out of the eight million other guys in the city. I wanted to believe that the elevator guy was the one because I was desperate to experience love. Yes, he was my ideal type in theory, but I never talked to him in person. In retrospect, he could have been the dullest person in the world who just happened to like the same author as me. After all, on Goodreads 15, 246 follow F. Scott Fitzgerald.

The worst part of having a crush is pondering over the ‘what-if.’ I’m 22 and have never experienced dating. I feel vulnerable every single time a crush fails. Each time I wonder if I’ll never be able to find the right one. Or I imagine the guy was the right one but I lost my chance at making a move. I’m starting to learn that being single could also be a good thing because I have the freedom to have fun, meet new people and develop these wacky crushes while also focusing on myself. With every new crush, I tend to learn something new about myself. For this one, I learned that I’m just as bold as Nora Ephron.

For now, I’ve downloaded Tinder and Bumble, in search for the next literature-loving, broody nerd to talk to about the great love that Jay Gatsby had of Daisy Buchanan. I’ve also slowly started to check out the guys who walk the streets while confidently smiling at them and watching few of them smile back… making me realize that perhaps there are cuter guys out there than the elevator guy.

Perhaps I’ll end up falling for a guy in the supermarket or the bar or even the street. I’ll probably be scouting for those broody Hemingway-looking guys and then fall inside another cyclical cycle of infatuated love or actually fall in love…I’m not too sure. But one thing I do know is that crushes are fantastical and all about hopeful thinking. We wish for the impossible. These whimsical moments may very well be the best time embrace our inner creative minds and enjoy the ride. I’ve fantasized about having wine and The Great Gatsby (both the 1974 and 2013) movie nights with the elevator guy, and honestly, the dream dates are probably better than the real thing would have been.

Do I regret my crush? No. If you’re feeling gutsy, go for it. Make a fool out of yourself! Add him on Facebook or email him or maybe even talk to him in person. I’m still waiting for him to accept my friend request. The worst that can happen is you get the silent treatment or become a laughingstock among a group of people for a day…but at least you tried! If you’re going to do something, you might as well go all out. Maybe you can look back and learn a lesson or two for your next crush. Best-case scenario, you may have found another friend.

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